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  • Nov. 29th, 2009 at 5:14 PM

No, I haven't gotten one yet, but the opportunity is currently presenting itself.

I'm not ready, of that I am absolutely sure. I've only been with the bank going on five months, or maybe a bit past five...I started June 15th or so...you do the math. I will tell you right now, being a teller is the hardest job in the branch, without question. everyone who is above will tell you their job is hard, but that's only because they never were a teller or they forgot what it was like. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy it. I enjoy going to work each day, something I thought I wouldn't be saying for many more years and without getting some more school in. But I do, and it's because of the nice environment that makes it so enjoyable that makes me think twice, more then twice, every hour or so for a week, about leaving that position so soon for something else. In this case, I'd be a personal banker.

Being a banker is honestly a cake walk. You sit at your comfy desk with a view most of the day making phone calls to people the computer thinks need some sort of product. If you make the sale, GREAT! If not, dang too bad, call another person. You also help walk in customers looking for new account, and people the tellers have convinced to add new services (At least 50% of all banker customers), I know I'm making it sound like there's no reason I shouldn't apply, it seems like a no brainer...I'm just not sure I'm ready to take that step. I'm not sure I have enough experience, or that I've learned everything I can learn from being a teller. When I leave where I am for another position, I'm pretty much on my own and the learning is over.

The other concern is that I'll go from having an intelligent, loving, dream boss...to having a person who will make me physically sick to work for. This man is an absolute moron, a shit for brains waste of space who everyone at the bank thinks of as a joke, useless, sometimes a comic relief of sorts. But that doesn't stop them all, or me, from hating him. Beyond him being worthless, he's also an asshole..of course. This alone makes me not want the job.

I feel like I can wait a few more months and the job will pop back up again...I know there will be another opportunity.

I'm a little torn.

Change

  • Oct. 1st, 2009 at 11:43 PM

 Things aren't the same.

I ended up getting that job at Wells Fargo, I've been a teller for going on three months now. It's really working out for me so far, and I'm looking at moving up sooner then later. I'm still surprised day after day what it's like when you're working for a company that is actually decent. Work life is staying interesting, home life has become almost non existent. I decided some time ago that I no longer enjoy the place I live. It's become a whole different place, whether it actually be different or if it has only changed in my heart.

The people I live with are good. Their hearts are in the right place and they make good decision, I'll never regret spending the time I did with them. My problem, however, is that once I leave I know that they will soon forget all of it. I've done all that I can over the almost two years we've spent together to treat them as good as one can hope to be treated. I've gone above and beyond to make them happy...and I can't say I've ever felt any affection in return, I don't think I ever will. So I have to leave.

I think I will move in with my cousin, his mother offered me her guest room when I explained my situation with her...and even though it seems weird to move in with family, it'll give me a chance to get things together. Also I'd be closer to work, and my new girlfriend, who I have been staying with most nights. I can't tell you how nice it's been to feel like I have some worth, to surround myself with people who actually appreciate me, rather then forget the nice and make a big deal out of the small.

Anyway, things are kinda strange...but moving in the right direction.

Crab with butter sauce

  • Apr. 27th, 2009 at 2:13 PM

Things might be looking up soon. I have an interview with Wells Fargo in the next few days to be a teller in the Livermore area. If that works out I think I'd be making more money then my previous job, and I'd be right next to home..and it would be an easier job...and I'd probably like it more. Though I won't be able to rent out game for free anymore...fuck Gamestop anyway.

I'm gonna set things straight with Lauren in the next couple days, which means I'm gonna close the door on any possibility of her wanting me back because I just can't take that shit anymore. I wish I just would have let her break it off when she wanted to, because it would have been SO much easier. Instead I let me delude myself into think she would actually consider the alternative to running away from us. But that's OK, because I think I'm ready to move on...I'll have to get back to you on that.

Anyway, wish me luck on the job, I reaaaallly need it because I'm running out of money this month and...running out of money is not good.

<3 Nick 

Patience

  • Apr. 19th, 2009 at 12:25 AM

 I'm really someone who prides myself in how patient I am. Sometimes it can be attributed to just an overall easy going attitude, other times being patient is a bi-product of fear and not actually wanting to know what comes next. Right now, in my life, neither of those reasons apply.

My girlfriend decided recently, on what was supposed to be a nice trip away from it all, that even though she cares for me deeply...she thought it was time to break off our relationship. She has her reasons, and I really do believe that she still loves me, which is why I fought so hard to get her to change her mind...and just think it through. Which to my surprise I was actually able to get her to do. Also to my surprise, waiting for her to think things over and to come to said decision, is infinitely harder then just being broken up. If I didn't want her back so badly I'd probably just end it myself, because the feeling of emptiness I've been having the past week is hard to cope with. I'm not so dramatic that I would do something stupid just because it's not the best month I've ever had, but it is kind of getting to the point where some thing's gotta give.

I dunno...I don't know why I'm writing this. Perhaps so the two people who might read this can offer some kind of nice sentiment...or maybe advice that I will listen to but not follow. I've gone a really long time without really WANTING anything. I'm very content with life, or I was until recently, and material things haven't interested me in a long time. I just enjoy the company of people, friends and family, I like being with people who feel toward me the same way I feel toward them. The feeling of having a bond...maybe. I know that being alone is the worst thought I can really muster when addressing my own life, so I guess what I'm trying to describe is just the opposite of that.

I need something to take my mind off this. Being with friends is a nice temporary fix, but I think I need something more permanent.  A job for one thing, because lounging around all day is simply pathetic. I feel like I've found productive things to do in the last week, but that can't last forever. Getting unemployment checks at the age of twenty-one is completely unacceptable.

Goddamn it...I think I'm done talking.

<3 Nick.

What am I doing?!

  • Mar. 13th, 2009 at 11:15 AM

 Sitting in the cafeteria of my cousins college trying not to hang myself. Granted I've only been here for a couple hours, it's still getting really goddamn boring. That dude needs to get done so we can get some serious Quiznos going on. I'm hungry and my stomach forced me to overpay for a hotdog and chips.

On a better note, I'm still excited for this project. It seems like it's gonna be a lot of fun to voice over scenes for one of my all time favorite movies. Then when that's done we're off to Disney. This weekend should be awesome.

Loltrip

  • Mar. 12th, 2009 at 1:51 PM

 Dude, so we're going to LA tomorrow. Well first I'm going to my cousins college with him. I have to sit through some three hour class (Probably just gonna read) and then on to recording studio. His assignment is to do voice overs and to add sound to a clip of a movie he chooses. He chose the scene from the Matrix when they're about to rescue Morpheus. The one in the lobby where they kill like thirty guys. 

Anyway, after that I'm driving us to LA. Visiting David which is super sweet, and we're spending one of the days in DisneyLand. Last time we went on a trip anywhere was Great America and that day turned out to be pretty epic, so this I am looking forward to. Wish me luck with not getting tickets, or death.

Things are a changin

  • Mar. 11th, 2009 at 5:56 PM

 It's pretty strange having someone around that likes you as much as you like yourself. I never really know what to think of myself, or rather..I've ever really known what other people think of me. Until now I've not really known what it feels like, but having someone there who shows me affection (which I desperately crave, something everyone aught to know by now) really changes the way I feel about things. It's a lot easier to be happy about things recently.

I think I waited WAY too long for this.

Boring

  • Mar. 6th, 2009 at 2:06 PM

          The last 3 weeks have been so totally slow. I used to get burnt out because the place was way too busy and I had to do alot of footwork with no chance to sit for like 8 hours. But NOW I'm getting burnt out because I'm doing about 5-6 transaction per day, and my boredom is eating at my insides. Even having a computer here, and books to read, and rarely my DS to play...it's so hard to keep awake. What the hell world, start coming in and spending your money. In all seriousness, Dublin California does not seem very effected by this apparent cruddy economy. If people can afford to come here every day and buy an 8 dollar cheese burger, then they can afford to come in here and give me something to do.

HELP!

A new place?

  • Mar. 4th, 2009 at 4:29 PM

So yesterday Adam asks me if I would move with them to a new house. It's not a sure thing, but it's an idea that has been thrown around for the past few months. I didn't really say anything at the time, infact, I still havn't said anything, but being asked was a huge relief. I've been so worried ever sinse the topic came up that when they found a new place I'd be booted out and have to find a new place, or a new family to live with...something I find very hard to stomach. I really do love my roommates and being seperated like that would really do a number on me. I'm sure I'd move on, find something new, someone new. I'm not the kind of person who goes into self hate mode because something really doesn't go my way. 

ANYWAY, it seems that all the worrying I've been doing has been for nothing. Like I said, nothing is set in stone, but I might be moving with them and finding a new place. Another perk of this, is that the house is a lot cheaper and seemingly bigger then what we have now. I'd be able to start saving money again for the first time in a LONG time. Maybe I could afford to go back to school for a little while and figure out some things. I dunno, we'll see how it all goes. 

Anyway, good news today.


I'm leaving on a jet plane.

  • Sep. 5th, 2008 at 11:30 AM


No, I'm not really leaving on a jet, or a plane of any kind. I'm not going anywhere. I would like to, but that kind of thing is just not in the cards at this point. I was thinking today that I'm going to go look around Livermore for some possible jobs, trying to access some recent memories, places I might have noticed in the last few weeks. Nothing really comes to mind, but there has to be something right? I'm not really so very picky about what I find, my main concern is being able to sit down for most of the job. Standing up at Gamestop really burnt me out in the last few years. I used to be an energetic kid, but now it's like I car barely jump over most garbage cans. I used to jump over all kinds of shit! I would do like five chairs in a row, desks/tables, the big planters at Hacienda (I think I can still manage those), most cars, and most people. Now I'm a little jerk who can't take several steps without being winded. I'm like a obese kid but I only have invisible lard covering my penis region.
Anyway, I figure things will probably go well. I also came to terms yesterday that I can't quit my current job as soon as I would have liked. As much as it pains me to be there, especially this coming week when the boss goes the manager conference(vacation) in Las Vegas, because I'll be alone with the other assistant manager who happens to make me physically sick. Whatever...I guess. I just have to figure out a way to turn things I hate, into things I don't hate. I'm in the process of doing that with a certain indivisual right now. It's going better then I thought it would so far, but who knows how far that will go.
In the last few weeks I was coaxed into getting on this website called Plurk, It's comparible to other social networking websites, only it does away with the vanity of most of them and just sticks to talking. Which is nice, Myspace gets complicated and I'm hardly ever on it. But anyway, it's alot of fun, I'm on it right now, infact. INFACT, the main reason I'm typing this entry right NOW is to taunt Kina, because she brought up that she can't access this site from work. I think I'm being really funny by doing this, and maybe a bit jerkish.

I think that's all I have today.

The happiest place on Earth.

  • Aug. 26th, 2008 at 11:01 PM

I was asked by my dear friend Adam to post my version of our outing to Costco tonight, I will grant his wish.

I was a hot summer night, working toward the end of August, the sun still scorching my skin long after it hid itself behind the distant hills. I drove down the freeway, my car packed full with an entire house full of people hungry for supplies...and food. Sarah changing each song as soon as it got good, she kills me inside and I think it's my favorite thing about her. My only reason for the outing was to stock up on bottled water, I was balls thirsty all day and had very little drink. Now that I think about it, I was probably lucky that I had enough life in me to make the trip. Anyway, the car was full of noise, conversations I cannot recall. I speed toward the off-ramp and we arrived at Costco. The parking lot there always makes me nervous, whether I'm driving or not. People who are walking seem to not fear one ton moving chunks of steel barreling toward them at any given time, and the other drivers seem not to care enough about their chunks of steel to avoid other drivers. It's a hectic place and I feel lucky every time I safely park. 

Inside the massive store we began looking at random stuff, which is the same way our outings always begin, whether it be Big-screen tv's no one should be able to afford (even with massive costco discounts) or cell phones and cameras. It's always fun to look I guess, things you want but can never have, or things you have and never should have gotten. MONEY, save it. We eventually made our way into the main section of the store to stock up on whatever we were missing, first things first, toilet paper. Thanks for remembering, Adam. Rachel managed to get herself separated from the group in the first five minutes, maybe she told someone she was going somewhere, I dunno. I went looking for Crystal Lite (did I mention the water and the toilet paper were just inches from each other? They knew I was coming, I appreciate their assistance.) like I always do, and they didn't have it...like they never do. I gave up quickly on finding it, I think I knew in my heart there was nothing to find, so I started my search for Rachel. I managed to circle the damn place before I spotted her, I yelled her name. She didn't hear. So I patiently followed at a slightly faster pace to catch up, and by the time I reached her, ofcourse she had regrouped with everyone, showing that my search and rescue mission was completely unneeded. To the kitty towers! We looked at the towers for a short time only, they weren't the ones Rachel had her heart set on, and we didn't exactly have any means of transport anyway, so we had to leave them behind...a shame. 

Next came...let me think. I think we got some bread. NO WAIT. First Adam went looking for something and Rachel proceeded to try on her newly acquired pants over the pants she was already wearing. She's crazy sometimes, I love that girl. Anyway, it was hilarious, especially when she was taking them off because people were being pretty nosey about it. I can imagine what they must have been thinking. "That young woman is removing her pants, in the middle of the store at that! What has this place come to!?" Or "DAMN, bitch be taking her pants off!" or that one guy who was spying from two isles down saying to himself "Yeaaaaaah, that's the stuff". Regardless, it was funny. After Sarah beating me up along the way and then riding the kart for a bit we came to the food court. (there was a thing with the book section too, Sarah brought be a book written by our current democratic presidential representative, which I ended up taking back. Only I couldn't find exactly where it went so I found a section with all things Obama and kind of just buried the book.) ALRIGHT FOOD COURT. It's kind of funny that after being hungry for so long, that I was no longer hungry by the time food was readily available. Right after talking about how I've been mysteriously losing weight also...Who knows. We sat down and I had a couple bites of Rachel's delicious strawberry chocolate ice cream cup thing, it was pretty delicious. Then I drank the drink Sarah got her, because apparently the idea was to mix together lots of different drinks and kill your sister. I was more suited to drink the death beverage it turned out. It's worth mentioning that Adam tortured me with hot Pizza air. I probably still have ten coats of thin grease plastered to my face, thanks BRUH.

The way home was pleasant. Had some music on and it was pretty relaxed. Adam's knees were still planted firmly in my back, but that's ok, the dude is tall. The ride home always seems short, which is sad because the ride home is the one I normally enjoy most when spending time with my new family. (We don't get much of a chance to talk anymore, work is abysmal and time consuming, coming home and sleeping..that kind of thing. I enjoy their company so much and it's funny not spending time with the people you literally live with. All things that will work themselves out I trust.) We take a short time to talk before we come back to our main road, and not long after we pull into the drive way. This part would normally be insignificant to this particular entry, but Justin was parked in our driveway, which is ironic in it's own way because he's the one who has the truck that can hold the kitty tower. I thought it was funny. That's kinda it..I sat for a little while, while Rachel played Halo, then watched Samurai Champloo with Sarah. The night is almost over, I think I'm about ready for bed.

This concluded my first entry, I will now go look for spelling and/or grammar errors.

This concludes my first entry.